Published  by  Godfrey  A.  S.  Wieners,  at  the  Sign  of  the  Lark,  New  York. 


Copyright,  1895,  and  1898,  by  William  Doxey. 


Digitized  by  the  Internet  Archive 
in  2017  with  funding  from 

University  of  Illinois  Urbana-Champaign  Alternates 


https://archive.org/details/purplecowOOburg 


( 

I 

CONTENTS 

DEDICATION. 

1.  A LEGEND,  Rare  and  Superfine, 

Cribbed,  some  will  say,  from  FRANKENSTEIN, 
(It  is  a little  in  that  line). 

2.  MY  FEET ; a Memoir,  with  a Phase 
Resembling  some  Equestrian  Ways. 

3.  TH’  INVISIBLE  BRIDGE  ; a sort  of  Fable — 
Please  understand,  if  you  ’re  able. 

4.  THE  RUNAWAY  TRAIN  ; a weird  Creation 
Of  Fancy  and  Imagination, 

Meant  for  the  Rising  Generation. 

5.  On  CITY  FLORA,  semi-culled 

By  one  whose  Fame  was  somewhat  dulled. 

6.  ASTONISHMENT;  depicting  how 
Peculiar  is  the  Verdant  Bough. 

7.  The  PURPLE  COW’S  projected  Feast ; 
Reflections  on  a Mythic  Beast 

That ’s  quite  Remarkable,  at  least. 

8.  MY  HOUSE,  and  how  I make  MY  BED ; 

A Nocturne  for  a Sleepy-Head. 


CONTENTS 


9.  On  DIGITAL  EXTREMITIES  ; 

A Poem  (and  a gem  it  is  ! ) 

10.  THE  GOOP  ; constructed  on  a Plan 
Beyond  the  Intellect  of  Man. 

11.  PARISIAN  NECTAR  for  the  Gods; 

A little  thick — but  what  s the  odds  ? 

12.  THE  FLYING  HOUSE;  a Narrative 
Of  Sanity  comparative, 

And  nothing  much  declarative. 

( Permission  of  S.  F.  Examiner.) 

13.  The  Story  of  the  GIANT  HORSE  ; 

’T  is  quite  improbable,  of  course. 

14.  WHAT  SMITH  TRIED  TO  BELIEVE 
That  will  appeal  to  anybuddy. 

15.  The  TOWEL  AND  THE  DOOR, — ah  w 
I ’ll  not  attempt  the  Tale  to  tell. 

16.  The  TOWEL  AND  THE  DOOR  again  ! 
The  Story  s told  — is  it  in  vain  ? 

1 7.  The  FOOTLESS  FEAT  of  Mrs.  Box 
Posteaque,  fiat  Nox ! 

18.  And  now,  allow  the  PURPLE  COW 
To  make  her  Bow. 


TO  THE 

READERS  OF  “THE  LARK ” 
WHO  HAVE  LAUGHED 
THEY  KNEW  NOT  WHY, 
THESE  INARTISTIC  ABERRATIONS 
ARE  GRATEFULLY  DEDICATED. 
GELETT  BURGESS 


'""IIIIHIt 


THE  PECULIAR  HISTORT  OF  THE 
CHEWING-GUM  MAN. 

WILLIE,  an’  Wallie,  an’  Huldy  Ann, 
They  went  an’  built  a big  CHEWIN’ - 
GUM  MAN: 

It  was  none  o’  your  teenty  little  dots, 
With  pinhole  eyes  an’  pencil-spots; 

But  this  was  a terribul  big  one  — well, 

’T  was  a’ most  as  high  as  the  Palace  Hotel! 
It  took  'em  a year  to  chew  the  gum  / / 

And  Willie  he  done  it  all,  ’cept  some 
That  Huldy  got  her  ma  to  chew, 

By  the  time  the  head  was  ready  to  do. 

* * * * 

Well,  Willie  he  chewed  it  for  days  ’n’  days; 

They  brung  it  to  him  in  gret  big  drays; 

An’  fast  as  he  got  it  good  an’  soft, 

Then  Wallie  he  come  and  carried  it  oft 
Then  he  ’d  roll  it  into  a gret  big  ball, 

Ari  he  made  a-more  }n  a MILLION  in  all/ 

Then  Huldy  Ann  she  spanked  ’em  flat 
An’  pinched  an’  poked,  an’  the  like  o’  that 
Till  she  got  it  inter  a gret  big  hunk — 

My  ! did  n’t  Huldy  have  the  spunk  ! 

And  then  she  sliced  one  end  hall-way 
To  make  the  laigs  (’cause  they  never  stay 
When  you  stick  ’em  on  in  a seprit  piece — 

Seems  like  the  ends  was  made  o’  grease)  ; 

And  she  slit  an  arm  right  up  each  side, — 

I could  n’t  a done  it  if  I ’d  a tried  ! 

O’  course,  her  brothers  they  helped  her,  though, 

An’  rolled  the  arms  an’  laigs  out,  so 
They  all  was  smooth  with  roundin’  bends 
An’  chopped  the  fingers  inter  the  ends  ! 

An’  when  their  mother  had  chewn  the  head, 

She  went  an’  stuck  it  on,  instead  ! 


THE  CHEWING-GUM  MAN, 

An’  then,  when  the  man  was  almost  done, 

They  had  an  awful  lots  o’  fun. 

A-walkin’  down  his  stummick  was  best 
To  make  the  buttons  onter  his  vest ! 

They  struck  big  cartwheels  in  him  for  eyes; 

His  eyes  was  both  tremendous  siee ; 

His  nose  was  a barrel — an’  then  beneath 
They  used  a ladder,  to  make  his  teeth ! 

An’  when  he  was  layin’  acrost  the  street 
Along  come  their  daddy,  as  white  ’s  a sheet, — 

He  was  skeert  half  outer  his  wits,  I guess, 

An’  he  did  n’t  know  whatter  make  o’  the  mess, — 

But  Huldy  she  up  an’  begun  to  coax 
To  have  him  down  town,  to  skeer  the  folks ! 

So  her  dad  he  grabbed  him  offen  the  street, 

An’  Willie  an’  Wallie  they  took  his  feet, 

An’  they  dragged  him  clean  down  to  the  Cogswell  fountain, 
An’  stood  him  up  as  big  as  a mountain ! 

You  ’d  orter  seen  him  a-standin’  there, 

A-straddlin’  Market  street  in  the  air ! 

Well,  he  stood  up  straight  for  a week  ’n*  a half 
An’  the  folks,  Gee  ! did  n’t  they  yell  ’n’  laff : 

The  boys  clum  up  his  laigs  quite  bold — 

The  gum  was  so  soft  they  got  good  hold ; 

The  cars  run  under  him  day  an’  night, 

An’  the  people  come  miles  to  see  the  sight  1 
Well,  after  he ’d  stayed  as  stiff’s  a post, 

With  his  head  on  top  o’  the  roofts  almost, 

The  sun  come  outer  the  fog  one  day 
An’  — well,  I guess  you  can  see  the  way 
That  gret  big  feller  begun  to  melt;  — 

Imagine  how  Willie  and  Wallie  felt! 

For  first  he  cocked  his  head  out  some, 

An’  when  the  heat  got  inter  the  gum 

He  slowly  waved  his  arms  ahead 

An’  slanted  forred,  just  like  he  was  dead ! 


CONTINUED. 


An’  all  day  long  he  leaned  an’  bent 
Till  all  expected  he  would  have  went 
An’  pitched  right  over.  They  roped  the  street 
To  keep  the  crowd  away  from  his  feet. 

I tell  yer  he  was  a sight;  my  soul ! 

Twicet  as  high  as  a telegraft  pole, 

Wavin’  his  arms  an’  slumpin’  his  feet 
An’  a-starin’  away  down  Market  street. 

Then,  what  did  I tell  yer  — that  blame  old  head 
Their  mother  had  made  a-seprit,  instead, — 

It  fell  right  off  an’  squashed  a horse  ! 

(’T  was  so  soft,  it  did  n’t  kill  him,  o’  course.) 
When  his  hands  got  so  they  touched  the  ground 
A hundred  policemen  they  come  around; 

They  stuck  a cable-car  to  his  feet, 

An’  one  to  his  head,  a goin’  up  street, 

An’  then  they  pulled  him  opposite  ways, 

An’  they  pulled  him  for  days  ’n’  days  ’n’  days, 
An’  they  drored  him  out  so  slim  an’  small 
That  he  reached  a mile  ’ n ’ a half  \ in  all. 


An’  that  was  the  end  o’  the  CHEWIN’ -GUM  MAN 
For  Willie,  an’  Wallie,  an  Huldy  Ann. 

They  come  along  with  an  ax  next  day, 

An’  chopped  him  up,  and  guv  him  away. 


My  Feet  they  haul  me  9 round  the  House  / 
They  hoist  me  up  the  Stairs  / 


/ only  have  to  steer  them  and 
They  ride  me  everywheres. 


/ V never  dare  to  walk  across 
A Bridge  I could  not  see , 


For  quite  afraid  of  falling  off 
I fear  that  I should  he  ! 


ADULTS  DEPARTMENT: 


H,  Willie  and  Wallie  and  Pinkie  Jane ! 
They  run  away  with  a Railroad  Train ! 

’T  was  Wallie  got  up  the  ridiculous  plan, — 
’Twas  most  as  good  as  the  Chewin’  Gum 
Man! 

Wallie  is  terribul  funny — My ! 

He  can  make  up  a face  that  would  make  you  die, 

An’  when  Pinkie  Jane  come  down  to  the  city 
He  tried  to  show  off,  for  she ’s  awful  pretty. 

So  they  all  went  over  across  the  Bay, 

To  have  a picnic,  and  spend  the  day. 

At  Sixteenth  Street  they  got  off  the  cars 
A-grinnin’  an’  giggling  so, — My  Stars! 

A Enormus  Crowd  begun  to  collect, 

But  nobuddy  knew  just  what  to  expect. 

Then  up  the  track  come  a little  spot, 

An’  nearer  and  nearer  and  NEARER  it  got, 

And  Willie  and  WaHie  and  Pinkie  Jane 
Stood  right  in  the  road  of  the  Overland  Train!!! 

The  folks  on  the  platform  begun  to  yell, 
uLoek  out! — get  off  IT  an’  the  engine  bell 


THE  RUNAWAY  TRAIN: 


Was  ringin’  like  mad, — but  them  children  stood 
As  calm  as  if  they  was  made  of  wood ! 

And  a great  big  fat  man  yelled, — “Oh  Golly  I 
For  Heaven's  sakes,  just  look  at  Wallie  / ” 

As  the  train  came  thunderin’  down  the  rail, 

The  wimmin  all  turned  terribul  pale. 

But  Wallie  he  stood  there,  stiff’s  a soldier, 

An’  then  (you  remember  what  I told  yer) 

He  made  up  a horribul  face, — and  whack  ! 

He  scared  the  engine  right  off’n  the  track  t 
An’  the  train  jumped  forreds  an’  squirmed  around, 
A-wrigglin’  an’  jigglin’  over  the  ground ; 

And  all  the  people  they  had  to  git, 

For  the  blame  old  engine  it  had  a fit ! 

But  when  the  train  got  onto  the  track, 

Them  children  they  clum  right  onto  its  back. 

And  they  tickled  it  so  that  all  to  once 
It  gave  ’em  a lot  of  shivers  an’  grunts, 

And  it  humped  itself  way  up  in  the  air, 

And  p’raps  it  didn’t  give  them  a scare ! 


AN  IMPOSSIBLE  EPIC: 


Then  it  puffed  an’  puffed,  a-faster  an’ 
faster, 

While  Wallie  sat  there  like  an  old  school- 
master, 

A-drivin’  that  train  till,  I tell  you 
what! 

You  no  idea  what  a nerve  he’s 
got! 

Willie  he  held  on  to  Wallie,  an’ 

Jane 

Held  onto  Willie  with  might  and 
main. 

Then  they  hitched  along,  like  an  ola 
inch-worm, 

With  now  a spazzum,  and  then  a 
squirm; 

But  Willie  and  Wallie  and  Pinkie 
Jane, 

They  soon  got  sick  o’  that  Railroad 
train  ! 

But  when  they  crawled  to  the  last  end 
car 

To  jump  on  the  ground,  where  it  was  n’t 
far, 

They  got  a heap  worse  off, 
instead, 

For  that  nasty  train,  it  stood  on  its 
head ! 

An’  they  all  yelled,  “ Telegraft  Huldy 
Ann, 

And  make  her  come  as  quick  as  she 
can. 

We  can’t  get  off.  Oh,  hurry  up, 
please ! 

What  would  we  do  if  the  thing  should 
sneeze? 


SES>JJEL  TO  THE  CHEWING-GUM  MAN 


I tell  yer  them  children  was  in  a fix 
While  that  mad  engine  was  doin’  his  tricks. 

But  the  messenger-boy  found  Huldy  Ann, 

An’  she  said,  “I’m  glad  that  I ain’t  a man! 

I ’ll  show  ’em  how ! ” an’  she  crossed  the  Bay, 

An’  she  see  in  a wink  where  the  trouble  lay. 

An’  she  said,  “You  go,  an’  you  telegraft  back 
For  a load  o’  candy  to  block  the  track  ! ” 

An’  when  they  sent  it,  she  piled  it  high 
With  chocolate  caramels,  good  ones, — My! 
Peppermint  drops  and  cocoanut  cream, 

Till  it  looked  too  good  for  a Christmas  dream ! 
And  the  sun  it  melted  and  finished  the  job 
Into  one  great  elegant  sticky  gob ! 

So  the  train  run  into  it  lickety-split, 

An’  the  cow-catcher  stuck,  when  the  engine  hit, — 
An’  the  tail  o’  the  train  flew  up  and  threw 
Them  children  into  that  caramel  goo  ! 

They  fell  clear  in, — way  over  their  head, 

But  Ann  eat  ’em  out,  an’  sent  ’em  to  bed! 


There  is  a Theory  some  deny, 

That  Lamp  Posts  once  were  three  foot  high, 


And  a Little  Boy  was  terrible  strong, 
And  he  stretched  'em  out  to  ’ leven  foot  long! 


I picked  some  Leaves  from  off  a Tree, 
And  then  I nearly  Fainted: 


For  somehow  it  Astonished  me 
To  find  they  V All  been  Painted ! 


But  I can  tell  you,  anyhow, 


V,  I never  HOPE  to  see  one; 


’d  rather  SEE  than  BE  one! 


My  House  is  made  of  Graham  Bread , 
Except  the  ceiling  V made  of  White ; 


Of  Angel  Cake  I make  my  Bed ; 
I eat  my  Pillow  every  night / 


/ V rather  have  Fingers  than  Toes ; 


I V rather  have  Ears  than  a Nose / 


And  as  for  my  Hair , 

I 'm  glad  it  ’j  all  there , 


Nil  he  awfully  sad  when  it  goes! 


Now  you  are 
what  I call 
a GOOP ! 


You 

appear  to 
be  facing 
due  South 


But  O what 


have  you 
done  with 
your  Mouth  ? 


Many  People  seem  to  Think 
Plaster  o'  Paris  good  to  Drink: 


Though  conducive  unto  Quiet 
I prefer  another  Diet ! 


Written  Mid  Illustrated  by  GELETT'BUROESS 


O WILLIE  an’  Wallie,  you  better  believe, 

They  had  a circus  on  Christmas  Eve 
With  Huldy  Ann  an’  Pinkie  Jane  — 

The  folks  imagined  they  ’d  went  insane  ! 

Them  twins  had  an  awfully  narrow  shave  — 

They  nearly  was  killt,  for  they  wouldn’t  behave  ! 
Huldy ’s  a winner!  She  hatched  the  scheme 
On  the  day  before  Christmas  ; an’  that  there  team — 


THE  FLTING  HOUSE. 


That  Willie  an’  Wallie  — they  worked  like  mad  — 
You’ve  no  idea  what  a time  they  had! 

’ T was  the  day  before  Christmas,  at  half-past  three, 
When  Huldy  she  up  an’  she  says,  says  she  : 

“You  Willie  an’  Wallie,  you  go  in  the  yard 
An’  get  that  windmill  — it  won’ t be  hard  — 

An’  bring  it  an’  put  it  on  top  of  the  house, 

An’  don’t  make  no  more  noise  than  a mouse! 

4 For  I know  something  I won’t  tell, 

Nine  little  niggers  in  a peanut  shell ! ’ ” 

Well,  the  twins  they  knew  when  she  said  that, 

Huldy  wa’  n’ t talkin’  much  through  her  hat. 

So  they  worked  an’  they  tugged  for  more  ’ n an  hour, 
’Till  they  got  that  windmill  off’n  the  tower; 

An’  they  hauled  it  up  to  the  roof  with  ropes, 

Way  on  the  ridgepole,  ’tween  the  slopes. 


THE  FLTING  HOUSE 


They  was  almost  dead,  it  tired  ’em  so, 

An’  Will  druv  a splinter  into  his  toe  ! 

An’  all  this  time  both  Pinkie  Jane 

An’  Huldy  was  workin’  with  might  an’  main, 

A-shuttin’  the  doors,  an’  the  windows  too, 

An’  stoppin’  up  cracks  where  the  leaks  come  through. 

An’  when  it  was  tight,  she  slipped  inside 
An’  turned  the  gas  on  good  an’  wide  ! 

An’  she  screamed,  “ Look  out  that  you  do  n’t  get  smothered: 
Climb  up  on  the  roof  where  I won’t  be  bothered  ! ’ ’ 


THE  FLYING  HOUSE 


When  the  house  filled  up  with  the  gas  inside, 

It  trembled  an’  jiggled  from  side  to  side ; 

An*  when  the  gas  filled  it  good  an’  full 
The  ole  foundations  began  to  pull ; 

Then  Huldy  she  pushed  it  a little  mite, 

An’  the  house  riz  up  in  the  air  all  right ! 

An’  it  riz  an’  riz  like  an  ole  balloon. 

An’  Ann  got  aboard  of  it  none  too  soon ; 

For  it  flew  away  off*  up  into  the  sky 
With  her  holdin’  on  by  her  hands  — Oh  my  ! 

But  she  clum  on  top,  and  you ’d  oughter  have 
seen 

Them  workin’  that  wheel  like  a flyin’  machine  ! 

Well,  after  they ’d  flew  an  hour  or  so 
They  came  to  a mountain  all  covered  with  snow, 
An’  there  on  the  top  they  happened  to  see 
A enermous  great  big  Christmas  tree  ! 

Then  Huldy  steered  ’em  over  the  top, 

An’  they  let  down  an  anchor  to  make  em’  stop ; 

An’  Willie  an’  Wallie  they  yelled  with  glee, 

An’  jumped  right  into  that  Christmas  tree  ! 

They  let  down  a ladder  for  them  two  girls 
That  did  n’t  darst  jump  for  spoilin’  their  curls  ! 
They  was  toys  an’  games  an’  wagons  an’  dolls, 

All  trimmed  with  tinsel  an’  fol-de-rols  ! 

For  Santa  Claus  had  just  drove  away, 

An’  Wallie  he  said  that  he  seen  the  sleigh ! 

Well,  when  they’d  eat  all  the  candy  they  could, 
They  loaded  their  house  with  things  up  good. 

(But  they  hurried  for  fear  that  the  old  man ’d 
come  back 

An’  catch  ’em  an’  give  ’em  a larrupin’  whack  ! ) 
Then  they  got  on  the  roof,  an’  they  cut  the  string 
An’  away  they  flew  like  everything ! 


THE  FLTING  HOUSE. 


The  twins  worked  the  wheel  an  Huldy  steered, 

An’  Pinkie  clung  tight  — she  was  awfully  skeered  i 
They  got  back  home  at  half-past  six, 

But,  oh  Ithey  got  into  a nawful  fix  ! 

For  just  as  they  sunk  the  house  gave  a lurch 
An’  they  landed  right  on  top  of  a church  ! 

An’  they  punched  a hole  through  the  roof  with  tne  steeple, 
To  the  great  amazement  of  all  of  the  people  ! 

An’  the  toys  fell  out  of  that  house  in  the  air, 

An’  all  the  children  in  the  town  was  there. 

So  every  one  got  a present  again 

’Cept  Willie  and  Wallie  an’  Huldy  an’  Jane  — 

An’  it  served  ’ em  right,  don’ t you  think  ? because 
They  ’d  stolen  the  presents  from  Santa  Clause. 


Once  there  was  a GIANT  HORSE, 
That  walked  through  all  the  Town , 


A-stepping  into  all  the  Roofs, 
And  Smashing  Houses  down! 


WHAT=  SNITHTR1ED  T°6ELIEVE 

refused f&mWiklWm 

iwCviEmmiAWN 

ITOR  w5AN  FRAMCISC&CLINAX 

Weil,  I come  home  late  that  night,  near  one  o’clock,  I 
reckon,  and  I undressed  in  the  dark  as  per  usual. 
When  I gut  into  bed  I thot  it  felt  as  tho  sumbuddy  hed 
bin  there,  and  when  I kicked  out  my  leg  sure  enough 
there  was  sumbuddy  there.  Well,  I thot  Rats,  what’s 
the  difference  ; I ’ll  go  to  sleep,  it  *s  only  a man.  But 
I kinder  could  ’nt  sleep,  so  I got  up  and  lit  a ciga- 
root,  and  I saw  the  feller  that  was  in  bed  with  me 
wos  dead.  Well,  I thot  Rats,  what’s  the  difference, 
he  wont  git  over  to  my  side  of  the  bed  anyway;  so  I 
turned  over  and  went  to  sleep.  Well,  I fired  my 
cigaroot  in  ther  paper-basket  and  went  to  sleep. 
Well,  after  a while  I thot  I smealed  smoke,  and  it 
was  n’t  cigaroot  smoke,  but  the  basket  was  all  afire, 
and  burning  like  a editor’s  soul  after  death.  Well, 

I thot  Rats,  what ’s  the  difference.  Well,  it  looked 
so  bright  and  comfortable  I thot  I ’d  get  up  and 
read.  By  this  time  one  corner  of  the  room  was  go- 
in’  like  4 o’clock,  and  it  was  nice  and  warm.  After 
I ’d  read  about  ten  minits,  it  got  so  hot  I cuddent 
stand  it,  and  I got  up  and  went  into  ther  next 
room.  Well,  I thot  Rats,  what ’s  the  difference 
Well,  in  about  a hour  there  was  a big  crowd  outside 
of  the  house,  and  they  was  all  yellin’  Fire  to  beat 
the  band.  I looked  out  er  winder.  Jump,  says 
the  fireman,  and  I jumped.  Then  I walked  off, 
and  a feller  says,  says  he,  “ You  blame 
fool,  you’ve  bruk  yer  leg.  Well,  I 
thot  Rats,  what ’s  the 
difference  ? 


The  Towel  hangs  upon  the  Wall, 


And,  somehow,  I don't  care  at  all  1 


The  Door  is  open; — I must  say 
I rather  fancy  it  that  Way! 


I 


\\\v>  ta  VkoV>  \ 


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\\(p^\  \&&  \\  ^v\  \ 


rHE  SOLES  OF  THE  UNFORTUNATES . 


IKKERY  had  but  one  leg*  when  I married 
him.t  I did  not  realize  what  this  meant  { it 
meant  41  right-foot  shoes  [for  he  was  extrava- 
gant (and  I was  economical^)  to  a degree]  in 
his  dressing  closet  { until  he  died. 

'1  could  not  bear  to  throw 
them  away. 

| The  clerks  asserted  that  all 
their  one-legged  right- 
footed customers  wore 
large  sires. V 

There  were  not  weddings 
enough  to  throw  them  all 
after  the  carriages. 

My  second  marriage  WOULD  have  been  happy,  but  my  husband 
met  with  a distressing  accident,  which  necessitated  an  ampu- 

of  his  right  leg 

tation  a of  his  wrong  leg.  So  the  collection 
two-legged  increased. 

gentleman.  in  spite  a]j  my  precautions,  Mr.  Silk’s  shoes 
would  often  be  left  pointing  toward  the  bed.y  How  I suffered! 
At  last  Mr.  Silk  died.  The  day  after  the  funeral,  I made  a pro- 
cession of  all  the  shoes— 


I could  not  get  rid  of  them 

Chapter  II* 


ORDER: 

1.  Patent  leathers  4.  Bluchers  (large)  7.  Congresses 

s.  Brogans  5.  Tan  shoes  8.  Riding  boots 

3.  Bluchers  (small)  6.  Slippers  (carpet)  9.  Pumps 

toe  to  heel, 

sixty-two  right-foot  shoes,  a they  reached  from  my  bedroom}: 
to  the  stairs. 

I was  in  despair  when  a small-footed  man  named  Box  pro- 
posed to  me.  I looked  at  his  feet  and  accepted  him.  (I  was 
sure  the  shoes  would  fit.) 

*********** 

As  soon  as  he  was  asleep  I approached  his  prostrate  form 
(my  axe  was  sharp  { I ground  it  myself  \ and  my  mind  was  set) 

Sixty-two  soles  inspired  me.  (A)  I struck  the  blow! — Then 
the  HORROR  of  my  deed  seized  me.  The  rest  is  too  awful! 

Note:  I had  cut  off  the  wrong  foot! 


» Left  leg. 
t Fool  that  I was. 

§ For  he  could  get  a pair  at  the  same  price  as  a single  shoe. 

I Likkery  wore  No.  3’s. 

II  It  is  a common  superstition  among  children  that  this  encourages  bad  dreams. 
1 Bay-window. — (A)  I was  determined  they  should  at  last  be  worn  out. 


Ah,  yes,  I wrote  the  “Purple  Cow ” 
Pm  Sorry , now,  I wrote  it ; 


But  I can  tell  you  Anyhow 
Pll  Kill  you  if  you  Quote  it! 


